January 2013

January 2013

2013…Welcome to the new year... and the end of January already. Although I must share, time has slowed completely down for me since the alignment last year and life has given me the time to see and feel it differently. So interesting ‘times’ at the moment.

 

I type this on my partner’s computer as mine was shutting off and sometimes not before giving me the blue screen of death and this went on for a couple of weeks at least before I finally realised, best get it looked at, otherwise I am never going to be able to create what I need at this rate and I could feel a little bubble of fear and frustration rise.

 

And that was a week ago... the frustration that has risen up over this has been a wee bit over the top...but I ‘thought’ I had no control... no control over what I could or could not create, no control over how long it was taking, no control over my life, and certainly no control over how angry I was becoming but what it was masking was another ‘no control’ anger at myself over something completely different that I had been deny, ignoring, fearing  etc (and now realise what a pretty good job I had been doing) but obviously not good enough as through the patience and unwavering love of my partner he helped me see through my anger to the baggage I had been carrying around for a long time.

 

‘No control’ over my body... through this belief I had been carrying guilt and shame nearly all my life. And I am so grateful now for my computer breaking down for it were not for this I would not have walked through my hidden pain.

 

Which leads me to January... this time last year I also had a rather difficult journey~start to the new year and my car that needed drastic healing~repairs as well. Sounds kind of familiar doesn’t it, but I do know that I got through that trial wiser and more loving, so I now know I will get through this trial and become more wiser and more loving.

 

And I have come to realise even more deeply that it truly does help if we do not focus on the negative experience itself but rather focus on the positive healing opportunity it is presenting us with when we are going through such times in our lives.

 

Much Love Now, Meredith

Image courtesy of: http://th00.deviantart.net/fs70/PRE/i/2012/162/5/1/wallpaper___janus_by_greno89-d535dfd.jpg